LeBarron Brunches Ignores Phone

mustardseed

meatcafeDavid LeBarron, an obviously awful person, was seen at the upscale nook Mustard Seed Cafe in the trendy neighborhood of Los Feliz. He was having brunch and didn’t check his cell phone once. He didn’t even glance at it. Mr. LeBarron, an inscrutable insurrectionist, smugly stated that he frequently ignores his phone while eating and sometimes goes to the extreme of turning off the life-saving-affirming device during repast. The cafe community is rocked by this event and the world, unsurprisingly, is shocked.

The waiter involved in the incident was confounded. “Bro! It was one thing to order French toast without sugar but then to obviously leave your cellie sitting there like debris. It broke my heart. He didn’t check his texts. His email. His Facebook posts. Nothing. Bro, he didn’t even Check In!”

Yolanda Baños, a concerned friend, had this to say of the seditious actions, “HE DIDN’T CHECK IN! Who does that? I didn’t know where he was for almost an hour!” Baños continued saying she wanted to consult the missing persons bureau but didn’t want to “narc” on her allegedly apostate amigo. When asked if they would remain friends she cast her eyes downward and sighed, “I won’t un-friend him but….can I trust him again?”

The actor-esque cute guy with perfect hair sitting a table away confirms that LeBarron is not simply unpopular, as some have suggested. “No man, I heard it like 4 or 5 times. The phone beeped. I had no idea he ignored those people, problems or situations that any decent person would have immediately dealt with. What an a-hole. If you did that to a child he’d go to jail but his poor cellie?” The actor-esque cute guy with perfect hair couldn’t go on. He was too upset and he thought his agent might be texting him and had to stare at his phone some more.

“What if he got Likes!” continued a crush Baños. LeBarron apologized to her and made a slapdash statement to Los Feliz and the on-line community begging forgiveness in one paragraph and then upholding his desire for continued and prolonged cell-neglecting in the next. He brazenly stated, “sometimes I just like to sit and think.” “Wow what I douche,” chimed in a small child on his mother’s Ipad, “who just sits and thinks?” Indeed mouth of babes…indeed!

In a related article a spokesperson for Dominos Sugar, after being made aware of the treasonous LeBarron-activity, says they will work with the FBI and CIA to see if and how there is a link to Un-American acts of not liking sugar on French toast and the flippant disregard for the very fabric of our republic’s reliance on cell phone technology. “It feels like the two connect,” they said.

Posted in storytelling, writing thoughts | Leave a comment

Ok Autumn: Let’s do this!

10600401_440229266117438_6225406878558100424_n Here’s me being pensive at a street festival. I have no memory of this being taken :) This post completely recants everything from the last post. Fringe totally destroyed me for a few weeks. I didn’t even realize how exhausted I was. But I wasn’t writing very much so I knew something was up. I got my post-birthday head on and an ready for fall. I am traveling A LOT! Which is cool but I’m so binge and purge I sort of wish these 5 trips had happened over the course of the year and not in 4 months! BUT that is not to say I’m not doing any of them. :) I’ll be in Big Bear next week for a three day writing sequestration. Nerd Anarchy my new musical is coming along sweetly. SO FUN! I decided (after tons of organizing) to NOT write Sun Stealers but rather focus on Coriander and Vushi.  I’m also focussing on performing more. The solo show was great but I want to focus on some personal stories that I will be telling around town. We shall see how that goes.  In some ways this is new territory for me in other ways it’s just more of what I’ve been doing since forever. It’s a very LA thing. You get quickly pigeon-holed by whatever you are currently doing. I did Fringe so I’m a playwright. “have you ever done a film?” I get asked. “umm yea duh…” Then I have something in a film festival and people ask if I’ve ever written for the stage. When a possible booker says “oh so you’ve been onstage before?” I try hard to smile (and not roll my eyes) and throw out a few credits. Constantly reinventing yourself even if you aren’t actually. I try to find the sense of humor in it.  Then again I look at my career/life as an artist and all the medium and wacky shit i’ve done and I have to cut the world a break. I mean I can barely keep up with me :)

Posted in monologues, storytelling | Comments Off

Post Fringe Blues….

COR_BLOOD_COVER….should be longer!  Ok I’ll be honest: I got reaaaallll sad for a day or two. I have given myself all of July to be tired and process the two original shows, music festival and extra work load of the first half of this year. but I’m kind of done. Got a lot of new ideas and plans and don’t think I can stop myself from writing for another two weeks. My new Coriander Scroll Coriander: Orders of Blood is live today and it’s AWESOME!!!  I am so pleased. I shot Ruben Trevino (Coriander) a few weeks ago and next week shoot the Warrior! I have the next two stories sort of outlined.  One MIGHT be a solo story for Vushi. Not sure… But it might be cool because Coriander’s next story isn’t at Magoge so Vushi isn’t in it. SO I wondered “well what’s she up to over the break??” and a short story came to mind.  Don’t you love when that happens!  ALSO I have decided to finish a novel. I am leaning towards Sun Stealers instead of Propensity.  Basically because I know one of my short comings is explaining the world I set my characters in. This is undoubtedly because I am firstly a playwright and see everything in black box ha ha ha BUT in Sun Stealers the world is totally new and I’ll HAVE to explain every facet so I’m looking at it as a good learning story.  What’s that saying? When you stop learning you start dying??

Posted in theatre, writing thoughts | Comments Off

Fringe ahoy!

FE_Charlieuhoh

Magickal Monsters opened Sunday to a smallish but really excited house! I have spent months praying the last line would be magick and it is!  It was such a great feeling! Please come! You can buy tickets here!

First Elders starts tomorrow and guess what? It feels like a play!! I know that sounds weird but sometimes it just looks like….like… remember when you played with your food at the table and got some blucky mess with bits of everything you can kind of recognize but look kind of gross? Well that’s what plays look like as they enter tech week. I guess the food analogy is kind of backwards because as it comes together it looks like a gorgeous repast that simply must be savored. I am very fortunate. Sometimes it still looks inedible. We’ve all been there.  Buy tickets here! 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

DRAGON!!!!!

Askooky LIVES! This was our first live appearance at Planet Queer. SO much fun!dragon3 Everyone GASPED when we came out! It was just a little cameo, nothing major, but so sweet to hear that reaction when we worked so hard on this show! Dan is awesome to work with!!!! I think I can finally do the show without dying from exhaustion!  It’s been hard but fun. It’s crunch time so I have to stop complaining and worrying and just do it!

First Elders is going well it’s in that weird half blocked no one knows their lines stage….I think it’ll be great. That sounded more worried than I am :)  This might be the first time someone has directed a piece of mine I have nothing else to do with…I try to shut up during rehearsals but it’s hard so I just leave…. The cast is really nice and seem to be funny. I have faith (he said to remind himself to have faith:)

Posted in performance, storytelling, theatre | Comments Off