So here I am waiting for auditions to start. Fingers crossed. Please Muses be kind and bring me the perfect Sue/Becky/Ralph actress who is funny and can sing! It’s interesting how technology has changed the entire audition process. I mean in ye olden days, we’d have a cattle call or at least call in as may actors as possible based on an air brushed 8×10 and spend the first day or two typing out. NOW that entire process is done in office with reels, demos and multiple pics. It saves everyone’s time. So you have to see less people and actually SEE them SEE what they got! I’m also waiting for the final approval of my new ebook Coriander:Orders of Blood. So this morning is moving real slow We all know how very patient I am. In other news: I wrote my first song on the acoustic guitar! It’s very angst-y, self-aware and dark-broody. Rebecca Norris, musical genius, says it’s actually pretty good. (She might have to say that so I don’t cry.) Oh my gosh I wrote this post and took this pic to kill time and I still have another 2 hours to wait! Guess I’ll write that outline for my new play about martinis……
So yes I did not post last two months. Oooopps. I have reasons stop yelling at me! I was waiting to announce my ebook Coriander: Orders of Blood BUT it’s still not ready and looks like it’ll be another 4 weeks AFTER I finally upload it. Uhg. So I will stop waiting for that news. On a lighter side LOTS has been happening. Nerd Anarchy is written and ready! The songs are awesome! Working with Will and Dan Awesome! SO excited to play and be silly! The play actually has a bit more heart than it originally did.As the plot unfolds andI get to know the characters, they have a life and needs and goals so the zany ridiculous becomes empowering and sweet, sweetly empowering? I did not post about taking tango is South America because I lost my phone and my friends have yet to give me photos so perhaps later this year???? This picture is of me telling some stories, including When Carrots Ruled the World to my Mrs. Ritch’s first grade class. Honestly, so well behaved and smart!!! Loving life
Yes I was fierce (as if you’d doubt it). Yes I spun like diva (again). And Yes my tribute to Lynda Carter/Wonder Woman was awesome, amazing and inspired (not my words). AND YES my career is at a new high (my words). BUT you probably didn’t know how very much I suffer to bring you joy and enlightenment (I do. I really do.). To prove the point please witness exhibit A of my forehead deformation (ow). Last night in the fury to get ready (leave the tech booth and run upstairs to change and mentally prepare for perfection) my costume cut my face (previously flawless). IT CUT ME! It tried to bring me down! It tried to render me asunder (like oh so many others who shall remain nameless but I know who you are bitches)! But alas no. No dear fans I did not succumb! I took that pain and I used it (like Judy). I became a legend in the face of atrocity (like Naomi at Westwood). I blotted that blood and took center stage (like John Wilkes Booth) (too soon?).
If you scoff at paper being a weapon may I remind you the first year is the hardest and all you get is paper and thirdly Cai Lun was no dummy (the second is Bab’s heroic journey in the Main Event). To be clear: the W on my costume was made of construction paper (ahh the theatre). Hence the paper cut as I pulled that paper-W over my scalp in a life-threatening, ill-timed costume change (think Houdini with less water). Thank all ye gods that I wasn’t using my real costume that appears when I spin (it’s gorgeous). The titanium would have split my head in two (like Zeus) and then I’d have to compete with myself (really aren’t we always?). I quote the Hollywood adage: never fuck with the hair, makeup or wardrobe people.
So dear fans it is with regret I will not be gracing l’etage until said injury is less hideous (unlike every single person on reality tv). I know you dear fans and (like Joan Crawford) you would not like to see me any less than perfect (like Donna Reed). If you wish to pray for me please pray (and prey) to Diana the huntress (Wonder Woman’s namesake). Flowers may be sent to my costumer and kind thoughts directly to my secretary who will forward them. If you must send gifts be sure they’re cash as only collectively could you afford my tastes (think Norma Desmond…but after she received the much deserved revenue from book and screen rights to her necessary deed). I must go now and heal (like Cerberus). Thank you for your love and support that I so deserve in this time of need. Like the saying states: We’ll meet again but I’ll have no idea who you are.
Oodles of Hollywood Love,
PS Only I Would Get A Paper Cut Playing Wonder Woman
These are some pics of me performing at the Adonis Project! It was a very very HOT night and I mean that in every sense of the word! We melted and we were super sexy! And YES that red pic is of me sitting naked on stage. It was a first for me. It was really freeing and kind of beautiful. (Of course I was followed by a really naked guy who is extremely fit so there was a moment of body weirdness BUT just a moment.:) I spoke of Adonis, the God, and his death and renewal and my almost death and renewal in a club in the 90’s. I never thought I’d tell that story to anyone let alone a room full of 200 + people. It was kind of special and awesome. I have been telling a lot of personal stories recently. It’s been a mazing. I write and rewrite them every day. I thought it’d be scary but it’s so freeing. I thought I was betraying someone but I was only betraying myself by silence. I thought I’d be giving away power but I became stronger.
I’m off to the desert for some Goddess Love Time (which will now forever be GTL) and then I have a show for Paradise Launch Party and then for Dirty Hour and Susana Lee! ( I LOVE HER!) and then even more after my yearly NYC Harambee trip for Kageno! I am so grateful and feel such strength and peace for all these opportunities to grow and share, even from telling the really silly ones like why I’m a gay unicorn!
David LeBarron, an obviously awful person, was seen at the upscale nook Mustard Seed Cafe in the trendy neighborhood of Los Feliz. He was having brunch and didn’t check his cell phone once. He didn’t even glance at it. Mr. LeBarron, an inscrutable insurrectionist, smugly stated that he frequently ignores his phone while eating and sometimes goes to the extreme of turning off the life-saving-affirming device during repast. The cafe community is rocked by this event and the world, unsurprisingly, is shocked.
The waiter involved in the incident was confounded. “Bro! It was one thing to order French toast without sugar but then to obviously leave your cellie sitting there like debris. It broke my heart. He didn’t check his texts. His email. His Facebook posts. Nothing. Bro, he didn’t even Check In!”
Yolanda Baños, a concerned friend, had this to say of the seditious actions, “HE DIDN’T CHECK IN! Who does that? I didn’t know where he was for almost an hour!” Baños continued saying she wanted to consult the missing persons bureau but didn’t want to “narc” on her allegedly apostate amigo. When asked if they would remain friends she cast her eyes downward and sighed, “I won’t un-friend him but….can I trust him again?”
The actor-esque cute guy with perfect hair sitting a table away confirms that LeBarron is not simply unpopular, as some have suggested. “No man, I heard it like 4 or 5 times. The phone beeped. I had no idea he ignored those people, problems or situations that any decent person would have immediately dealt with. What an a-hole. If you did that to a child he’d go to jail but his poor cellie?” The actor-esque cute guy with perfect hair couldn’t go on. He was too upset and he thought his agent might be texting him and had to stare at his phone some more.
“What if he got Likes!” continued a crushed Baños. LeBarron apologized to her and made a slapdash statement to Los Feliz and the on-line community begging forgiveness in one paragraph and then upholding his desire for continued and prolonged cell-neglecting in the next. He brazenly stated, “sometimes I just like to sit and think.” “Wow what I douche,” chimed in a small child on his mother’s Ipad, “who just sits and thinks?” Indeed mouth of babes…indeed!
In a related article a spokesperson for Dominos Sugar, after being made aware of the treasonous LeBarron-activity, says they will work with the FBI and CIA to see if and how there is a link to Un-American acts of not liking sugar on French toast and the flippant disregard for the very fabric of our republic’s reliance on cell phone technology. “It feels like the two connect,” they said.