Small things greatly

meI am reminded of Dr. Martin Luther King’s words: If you cannot do great things do small things in a great way. It has been in my mediations for a few weeks now. What are great things? What are small things? How do You do them greatly? What kind of person I am might be buried in those answers. Lately, I must confess, I have been a bit jealous and beating myself up a lot. It’s been hard to get really writing because some part of me has felt that it is useless. Another script sits on my laptop for what? That is not why I write and I have forgotten it. I write this now to remind myself.

So much information I receive is like if you aren’t an A-list actor or multi-million movie maker you have failed. It’s just wrong information and lies. Smiling at someone is a great action and it is small. Making art can often be a great thing and it is often made up of small things. It effects people in tiny tiny ways and sometimes greatly and sometimes only a tiny amount of people…greatly. I cannot let things like other people’s thermometers or ideas slowly cripple me. That would be the worst thing ever.It would be worse than giving up. I must remind myself again.

We just did APT 3F YEs Sir and the boys were fantastic. Not all of them were slick professionals, and we went well over time limits but it was so honest and sincere I felt so proud to be apart of the show. I want to show everyone how to have a voice and to turn that into something greater than they. I said at the beginning of the show, I was brought up in Silence = Death then perhaps Sharing = Life.

I may off the MLK intent but I feel we do great things all the time. I don’t just mean activism work: teaching kids, Kageno, curating queer art. Great things like forgiveness. Practicing love.

In a funny note: Here’s a meme I did getting ready for the show! In a second funny note Chris and I figured out the structure of our Hollywood show. I think it’ll be very funny and have a great message. Ah, there it is again: great. To do great things is not about great financial wealth. It is about being great. If you cannot plan for peace by war or achieve love thru hate perhaps you cannot be great for any other reason than being it?

Side note: Nina Simone on Dr Martin Luther King Jr.

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Happy New Year

MArcsxy2016 I own you! ha ha OK been a weird and too busy end of 15…too much man. I am in much better spirits than previous overwhelmed David was. Mike’s death and memorial took a lot out of me. As well as some chosen and bio-family issues and growing pains (when do they stop?) Know Now got rewritten and is really sweet. I don’t think I can shoot it in Jan because well, it’s January! Maybe soon though. Yes Sir! Stories dressed in Leather is happening Jan 24th at Precinct. It seems pretty rad!! I hope hope hope it’s as awesome as I think it will be! That’s the pic of Marcus I took!!!! Lebarronisms is being edited. One minute I think they’re awesome and the next I look stupid. I will finish them and put them up and get some feedback……. I’m stuck rewriting 3 Numbers. In a good way but hard way. I think I need a week or two to simply write write write!! Speaking of which, WTF with Coriander? Do I continue it or go to Propensity? Today is the deadline for me and I still don’t know…. I might write a chapter of propensity and see if I like it??? There’s so much I want to do in 2016 but I want to do it smarter? This post reads as sad or confused and I’m not. A lot going on already and I really want this year to rock! So yea 2016 you are mine and we shall be amazing!!!

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Busy as usual

Lebarron_doorHey there!I finished a short called Knot Now. It’s fun. I am pretty sure I’ll shoot it in Dec/Jan. Maybe. It comes from a feature I outlined a zillion years ago Zucchini. (I should finish that.) Rebecca and Dan’s wedding has turned into quite the writing project. It’s been fun but tons of work. Glad the book is done and we can perform it on Halloween! I finished 3 numbers. I love it. I will start rewriting when I get back form Kageno and the wedding. It’s a sweet love story. It’s naturalism (basically) which sort of freaks me out, but it’s a sweet love letter to where I am from. Maybe I’ll have a reading in Jan???? Nerd Anarchy will be back in March HURRAHHH My LORDS AND LADIES!!!! SO next year is already filling up :) Of course. I’m always 6 months ahead do myself. How else would I be. OH!! also I’ve been teaching again! So much fun! So much work!!!! The kids are awesome. I hope we continue with new projects after their teacher (I’m subbing) gets back?!?!?!?!?!?

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Sweet Summer Endings

waterjar SO summer happened. My Birthday party was fun. I crashed (as usual) from Fringe Fest. Rewrote Nerd Anarchy. Wow that was hard. I had to download a work flow chart program to keep track of the changes and new endings!! Everyone seems to really like the new version! Now to research where and when to do it again!!! Muahh hahha! I finished Mourning at Magoge. I think it’s pretty cool. Yes it will be my next ebook! Of course I don’t really know what to do with the first one, but maybe having two I can push them harder. I haven’t yet truly found their audience. I also vacillate on the homo thing. SO I have decide the next Fantastical Fiction will be pa short story from Propensity. (and that’s a a romantic gay scifi story so there….) On an even better-er-er note I am mid writing 3 Numbers in the Middle of Nowhere. Can you say AWESOME?!?!?!?!! Yea it’s kind of really good. Well at the mid point, we’ll see if I fuck it up :) I didn’t write an entry last month. No reason. I got a tad dark. I got all caught up in finalities and other people’s score cards. It’s all right. You gotta go there sometimes. but then it’s important to remember what’s important. I think Mike in ICU helped facilitate that. So sad. So terrifying. Take the feeling, the pain, the truth of it all, and put it in your belly. Let it define you do not ignore it. Be stronger. Oh and this picture is sacred water I made for Rebecca and Dan’s wedding. Super magick!!!!

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It was a ridiculous time. Life was unkind. It’s a period of your life when you explicitly remember certain details but so much is a blur of the person you became. The details still haunt me. I was poor as a church mouse’s pagan nephew. I tried really hard to be grateful for my crappy job as security at minimum wage but it was, as I said, crappy. I was afraid. I was weak. I knew 2 people in all of Los Angeles. Oh yea, and every morning I woke shaking from drug withdrawals. It was that, ok I’m gonna say it, Karen Carpenter time when I had stopped the destructive behavior but my poor skinny body and broken spirit might not be strong enough to make it through the next day.
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